Domestic violence is not the norm
Domestic violence, rape and unwanted
pregnancies are problems that are synonymous with less fortunate women who are
often left in a lurch with a series of problems that follow. The predicaments
these women find themselves in are less likely to be publicly acknowledged due
to the conservative attitude of the society towards such occurrences.
While it is widely agreed that women
are the victims of such incidences, nonetheless cases like these are often
swept under the carpet or settled between two disputing parties to save the
hassle of going through court proceedings to seek compensation or justice.
The instance of the recently
divorced 13 year old girl in Kulim who married her rapist highlights the
severity of how families are willing to compromise their daughter’s wellbeing
in order to save face. Both families of the adolescences conceded to allow
their teenage children enter a contract of marriage even though both may not
have been ready or prepared for the responsibilities of starting a family. Both
families had thought that through marriage the family honour may remain intact
and the stigma that comes along as being a victim and rapist could just be
eventually forgotten. This shows that conservative families still opine that
the happiness of the teenagers comes secondary to any face-saving measures that
may keep gossip-mongers at bay.
The promotion of abstinence and
rigid religious outlook form the basis of such bias atrocities towards women.
Men on the other hand, escape
criticism, penalties and deterrent actions.
Consent to marriage for minors
involved in rape should only be precipitated if sufficient care and
understanding towards the marriage institution are taken into consideration.
This swift and candid solution towards the victims cannot be taken as an
absolute response to resolve the matter.
The heavy burden placed on the child
in premature marriages interferes with the child’s opportunity to education and
better work opportunities. An early bride is expected to carry out the
responsibilities of a wife which includes child-bearing. As and when the child bride is left to fend
for herself, she will be unable to do so and this creates additional stress and
problems to the community.
Domestic violence is inevitably
associated with the lack of support and awareness that violence is not an
acceptable form of communication. Domestic violence happens in households of
varying lengths and ages although younger women and very young women might find
it doubly challenging to verbalise or respond adequately towards it. Women
who fall in this category are often made to feel shameful of themselves and are
belittled for voicing out, as domestic problems are still largely considered a
personal problem and not something to complain about.
Perpetrators of domestic violence
dictate the situation with emotional and mental manipulation and blackmail. The
aggressor blames the victim for provoking him and uses contemporary examples of
how other women submit and accept such incidences. Families of these aggressors
normally take the side of the aggressor while families of the victim can only
advise the victim to tolerate even more to avoid divorce or a break-up in the
marriage, many times for the sake of the children.
Although the society does not wish
for more single parents, smug attitudes towards single parents and divorcees
should not form basis as hindrance for women to choose to lead a healthier and
less conflicted life - whether both parties part amicably instead of
continually suffer in a high-tension situation daily or face the consequences
of being in a lopsided contract. Children involved in such conflicts are also
the victims and will stand to gain if they were shielded from the devastating
dilemma.
Instead of feeling helpless, women
should stand firm in their conviction whether to allow the society’s opinion
affect their decision to stay or leave a bad relationship, or to make changes
to halt the assaults. The obstacles that women face daily are marked with
expectations and limitations. However, no matter what the decision, it should
be a beneficial choice with room for personal growth and with provision to
provide a healthy ground for their children’s growth.
** Article published in MSN Malaysia
** Article published in MSN Malaysia
