Stepping out of men's shadows by Carolyn Khor

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Domestic violence is not the norm

 

Domestic violence, rape and unwanted pregnancies are problems that are synonymous with less fortunate women who are often left in a lurch with a series of problems that follow. The predicaments these women find themselves in are less likely to be publicly acknowledged due to the conservative attitude of the society towards such occurrences. 

While it is widely agreed that women are the victims of such incidences, nonetheless cases like these are often swept under the carpet or settled between two disputing parties to save the hassle of going through court proceedings to seek compensation or justice.

The instance of the recently divorced 13 year old girl in Kulim who married her rapist highlights the severity of how families are willing to compromise their daughter’s wellbeing in order to save face. Both families of the adolescences conceded to allow their teenage children enter a contract of marriage even though both may not have been ready or prepared for the responsibilities of starting a family. Both families had thought that through marriage the family honour may remain intact and the stigma that comes along as being a victim and rapist could just be eventually forgotten. This shows that conservative families still opine that the happiness of the teenagers comes secondary to any face-saving measures that may keep gossip-mongers at bay.

The promotion of abstinence and rigid religious outlook form the basis of such bias atrocities towards women.

Men on the other hand, escape criticism, penalties and deterrent actions.

Consent to marriage for minors involved in rape should only be precipitated if sufficient care and understanding towards the marriage institution are taken into consideration. This swift and candid solution towards the victims cannot be taken as an absolute response to resolve the matter.

The heavy burden placed on the child in premature marriages interferes with the child’s opportunity to education and better work opportunities. An early bride is expected to carry out the responsibilities of a wife which includes child-bearing.  As and when the child bride is left to fend for herself, she will be unable to do so and this creates additional stress and problems to the community.

Domestic violence is inevitably associated with the lack of support and awareness that violence is not an acceptable form of communication. Domestic violence happens in households of varying lengths and ages although younger women and very young women might find it doubly challenging to verbalise or respond adequately towards it. Women who fall in this category are often made to feel shameful of themselves and are belittled for voicing out, as domestic problems are still largely considered a personal problem and not something to complain about.

Perpetrators of domestic violence dictate the situation with emotional and mental manipulation and blackmail. The aggressor blames the victim for provoking him and uses contemporary examples of how other women submit and accept such incidences. Families of these aggressors normally take the side of the aggressor while families of the victim can only advise the victim to tolerate even more to avoid divorce or a break-up in the marriage, many times for the sake of the children.

Although the society does not wish for more single parents, smug attitudes towards single parents and divorcees should not form basis as hindrance for women to choose to lead a healthier and less conflicted life - whether both parties part amicably instead of continually suffer in a high-tension situation daily or face the consequences of being in a lopsided contract. Children involved in such conflicts are also the victims and will stand to gain if they were shielded from the devastating dilemma.

Instead of feeling helpless, women should stand firm in their conviction whether to allow the society’s opinion affect their decision to stay or leave a bad relationship, or to make changes to halt the assaults. The obstacles that women face daily are marked with expectations and limitations. However, no matter what the decision, it should be a beneficial choice with room for personal growth and with provision to provide a healthy ground for their children’s growth.

** Article published in MSN Malaysia

Understanding women by Carolyn Khor

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Women are often described as gentile, docile, mild, sensitive and emotional. On the other hand, the unflattering sides of women are generally characterised by terms like unforgiving, petty, overreactive, narrow-minded and judgmental.

These definitions of women we should then ask - are they what the women really think of themselves or are women being conveniently shoved into neat little categories by those who lack understanding of who the real women are?

The way our society has been trained to think from young is skewed towards gender segregation and discriminatory practices. There are no rules to say that baby boys should be dressed in blue and baby girls in pink, but sadly, commercial advertising and consumers alike move along the trend of mass stereotyping.

The superiority of man as a gender did not come by accident. It has been reflected in cultures through time, reinforced through language and then practiced through the laws that govern us as a society.

Two main bodies that regulate our daily lives are the civil and religious law. People subscribe to these notions and hold them in high regards as the commonly accepted principles in life. With that, an acceptance of the punishments that follow if these rules were deviated from arose.

Although there are obvious physical differences between men and women, the role that each gender take upon may not be that distinct anymore especially with our modern lifestyle. Whereas the man used to be the sole breadwinner in the family, the worsening economic situation has forced many women to seek work to supplement the family income. As more and more women get access to education and work opportunities, the gender gap has become narrower.

Even so, people should not forget that women too, since ages ago used to toil the land, braved many difficulties and shared the responsibilities of shaping the world into what we have today. All these are left unspoken for while increasing barriers are placed upon the women to restrict them from realising their true potential.

It is not to say that women should revolt and start abandoning caution to the wind in the battle against men; but rather, to rely on their inner strength, develop and inculcate a sense of worthiness to combat the disunity that have taken roots among the women.

As such, if the policy-makers comprised of an equal number of men and women, it would then make a difference as to how women are perceived in general. The capabilities of a woman are equal to the flow of the universe; the rhythm of growth; the womb of the earth and the unleashed power of the mind. All these latent gifts are within reach, if only women spared a moment to silently draw on all their experiences to plant the seeds of mutual respect towards themselves and other women starting with their own children.

In summary, it is as the eighteenth-century English writer, philosopher and advocate of women’s rights Mary Wollstonecraft once said: “I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves”.

** Article published in MSN Malaysia

Thumbs up for Women

It must have come as a pleasant surprise that three women from PKR were selected to be Selangor executive council members together with three others from DAP and four from PAS. Dr. Daroyah joins rank with Elizabeth Wong and Rodziah Ismail in an all-women three-member team after being sworn-in at the palace today. PKR Selangor had fielded six women candidates for its state seats, out of which five won. Twelve others from PKR who won are men.

In contrast, Penang has only one woman exco which is held by Chong Eng, the DAP state assemblyman for Padang Lalang. During the 13th General Elections, PKR Penang fielded a total of two women candidates for the Penang state seats, out of which only one succeeded - Dr. Norlela Ariffin from Penanti. Nine others from PKR who won are men.

The vast difference in women representation within PKR is largely attributed to the role of women in politics in these two states. At the same time, it must be lauded that Tan Sri Khalid has no qualms appointing an all-women team while putting aside gender bias. This goes to show his appreciation and awareness of a woman’s capabilities and contribution to the society. 

As a party helmed by a woman president, Dr. Wan Azizah, PKR is nonetheless a women-friendly party in a male dominated arena. Although Azizah did not contest in any seats, her influence as president presides in the hearts of all women as a symbol of strength and determination for those who seek justice.

Following in her footsteps is her daughter, Nurul Izzah, the giant slayer who won over the hearts of Lembah Pantai voters defeating Raja Nong Chik from Barisan Nasional.

While Selangor has no shortage of women leaders, Penang PKR is sorely in need of qualified and dedicated women who are willing to step forward to serve the public. Building up the women’s presence in politics is no easy task owing to multiple factors such as cultural and religious beliefs, family responsibilities and financial independence. 

Although women make up roughly 52 percent of the total voters, participation of women in politics is low. Given the diverse role a woman has to partake in, a career in politics may seem rather unattractive unless she is driven by a cause – a cause to speak up and better the lives of all other women. 

Zuraida Kamaruddin, chief of PKR Women’s Wing is one such lady who inspires and incites women to rise to the challenge when faced with one. Not unlike Nusaybah, her bravery and courage to speak out however, has earned her severe criticism from both within and outside the party. The Wanita national committee, with a team of about 60 core members nationwide is tasked to rouse the women’s confidence and raise awareness of a woman’s role in the society.

In committing to the women’s agenda, the women’s wing should be given ample voice in decision making within the party. As said by two PKR leaders recently, we are a reform party. As such, let us leave no room for cronyism and nepotism. For a young party to grow effectively, it is best to keep unwanted elements from creeping into the organization. 

At the same time party leaders should be sensitive enough to employ tactile strategies to strengthen the party in anticipation of GE-14 – don’t render it useless the years of hard work that has been put in by party elders to build the divisions and branches, youth wings and women’s wings just so that their voices are finally drowned out due to the lack of empathy and sensitivity towards hardcore supporters and party workers.

It is without a doubt that meritocracy, experience and formal qualifications included, holds the key to any politically appointed posts. Therefore more effort should be put in to recruit qualified people to allow them to practice serving first. If an organization is largely fueled by passionate activists who work endlessly and tirelessly, only to have their glimmer of hope fade into oblivion, it makes for undue stress and divide – something that can be avoided by nipping those hopes in the bud and with good management.

In other words, politics is only for those who have a cause and are willing to go the extra mile, ride out the bumpy road and with nothing to ask for in return - this includes activists, qualified persons, sidelined members and dropped candidates too. Anything and everything else is a bonus.

With that, heartiest congratulations to the three PKR women in the Selangor exco line-up.

* Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion and in no way represent the views of the party. I write this from the perspective of a third party and based on grouses that I hear from several sources.